P.I.T.A. {neck}.

I am sad… Sad Sad Sad… and I REALLY don't like blogging about sad stuff but this blog can't nap anymore.  {Last time I had an "ugly" post I was pissed at the Target guy for not letting me go over the STUPID six.item.limit in the dressing room while bathing suit shopping.}

I have an active trigger point causing a pain in my shoulder/neck that is nearly indescribable.  My guess is that everything I have been "carrying" on my shoulders the past 3 months FINALLY said "you are done".  I am thinking this is my body's way of giving 2011 a big EFF-U.  The knot in my left shoulder is the size of a golf ball and has inhibited me from using 54% of my Christmas presents and jump starting the "KCB bridal fitness plan"!  I was told today "that little sucker is pretty stubborn… one of the tightest knots I have ever seen… you are not going to like me for what I am doing to you now later tonight"

I have been on 4 different muscle relaxers, received narcotics in my "stocking", then was prescribed my own since "you shouldn't steal drugs from your "cancer-ridden mother" {-says Dr. Mac}, anti-inflammatories, cortisone shots, electric stimulation, 3 massages, 19 days of prayers…. and can only manage to get myself "stoned" enough to sleep for 4 hours at a time until the meds wear off and I wake up in tears.  Needless to say this is not how I wanted to start twenty-twelve.

~I want to blog about how BLESSED we are that mom was declared JASMINE FREE on December 29th and then went to Olde Towne to CELEBRATE! {which is ironically the restauarnt we were at when I knew "something wasn't right" with mom; where dad and I ate as she was transferred from the OR to the neuroICU after her back surgery on no sleep for nearly 48 hours; and where you can see us RADIATING with happiness as seen below one week ago today!}

~I want to tell everyone what a wonderful Christmas break I had organizing and cleaning my house as I prepare to turn my guest room in to a "man cave!"

organizing is a turn ON for me!

~I want to go on and on about the new position I will be starting at work after I get married! {If you work at Kaiser and are reading this… just wait until the 10th to ask me about it}

~I want to discuss how funny it is to compare NYE 2005-6 with NYE 2011-12!

2005-2006
biggest concern: Jana devastated that I may {or may not} have thrown up all over my pretty red silk dress… NOT the $88 cab ride home, 2… I repeat TWO miles from park tavern!!}

2010-2011
biggest concern: Dick Clark remembering how to count down from 20 AND staying awake past 11:15!

~I want to state that this year I will {again} NOT read Atlas Shrugged, NOT stop bitting my nails, and TRY to keep flossing every Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday {and after eating ribs and/or corn on the cob!}

~I want to share that I am excited to finally WANT to exercise {again} with Insanity {a few select DVDs}; P90X {yoga, ab ripper X, & core synergistics}; DIY groupStep, groupRide, groupPower, and groupCentergy; run with my new SHOES, GARMIE, and LULU clothes.  …but I effing CAN NOT with my shoulder in its current condition! {side note: funny how you do nothing but make excuses for months on why you will wait until 'next Monday' to 'start'… 9 Mondays later I am laid up on Percocet and a heating pad}

~I want to tell everyone how truly truly truly extatic I am to be marrying my best friend in 2 and a half months {he brought me flowers yesterday} and the checklist is gettin' done!!

~i want to be so happy that in 7 days I will celebrate the tenth anniversary of the night I took SEVENTEEN shots {i.e. the reason I will not drink jagermeister or anything blue}.  & hopefully NOT be frozen in my house again eating 4 month old "'irth 'ay" cake!

Happy 21 to ME!!

…but here I am... sad and not feeling good for the 5th day in a row :(  crying because there is NOTHING that makes me feel better {even blogging hurts}.  So maybe a glass of Pinot Noir will do the trick and take the edge off {or will make me cry more}  Who knows?… I am willing to give it at try!!

This week's favorite thing: The ESTROGEN BOWL: New episode of Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice